Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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