We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
