I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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