Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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