Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
