"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
it's great music for shaving your balls
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We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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