It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
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We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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