There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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