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I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
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