whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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