Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
