Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The Olympian is in my bed
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize