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LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
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