Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (276)

Last Night in Virginia (276)

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LETS GO REDSKINS!

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Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.

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(540): LETS GO REDSKINS! (276): Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday. http://tfl.nu/15rh

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Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck

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(276): Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck http://tfl.nu/4gk1

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Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face

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(276): Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face http://tfl.nu/0y76

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So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!

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(276): So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job! http://tfl.nu/fkyk

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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem

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(276): I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem http://tfl.nu/0t83

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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.

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(276): I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences. http://tfl.nu/f9jw

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Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.

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(276): Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you. http://tfl.nu/pes1

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You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.

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(276): You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat. http://tfl.nu/s2nm

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They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?

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(276): They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends? http://tfl.nu/rjha

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I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....

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(276): I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra.... http://tfl.nu/gorr

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You are my mentor.

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I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.

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(865): You are my mentor. (276): I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement. http://tfl.nu/qxu9

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Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.

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(276): Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees. http://tfl.nu/acn4

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your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.

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(276): your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/ity0

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Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles

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(276): Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles http://tfl.nu/8prl

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Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.

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(276): Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while. http://tfl.nu/zglk

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Last Night in Virginia (276)

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