Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
