I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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