just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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