Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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