I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
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How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
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My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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