Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Nicole vs. Life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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