just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
