why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
