Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
