tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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