Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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