and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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