There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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