i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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