Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
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I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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