I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
FUCK WHALES
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