Texts From Last Night

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  (831): View more from California

  I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.

  (1-831): View more from California

  stop. you already have a dog

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  (831): I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company. (1-831): stop. you already have a dog http://tfl.nu/bxqv
  Replies (8) Good night (986) Bad night (1869)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.

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  (513): i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot. http://tfl.nu/7qf7
  Replies (30) Good night (3806) Bad night (2859)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with

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  (978): you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with http://tfl.nu/g7w5
  Replies (41) Good night (1040) Bad night (5285)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.

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  (707): I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday. http://tfl.nu/uhpk
  Replies (26) Good night (4389) Bad night (1138)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Dignity is for republicans.

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  (626): Dignity is for republicans. http://tfl.nu/vkse
  Replies (39) Good night (4898) Bad night (1594)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes

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  (479): I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes http://tfl.nu/u839
  Replies (25) Good night (4169) Bad night (1254)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.

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  (256): I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you. http://tfl.nu/8mod
  Replies (12) Good night (3725) Bad night (1121)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight

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  (661): I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight http://tfl.nu/99ir
  Replies (11) Good night (2741) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Career choice validated

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  (732): Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!" (732): Career choice validated http://tfl.nu/g765
  Replies (51) Good night (9543) Bad night (1023)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?

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  (623): Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck? http://tfl.nu/k3jz
  Replies (6) Good night (2403) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.

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  (318): She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking. http://tfl.nu/r9ow
  Replies (7) Good night (719) Bad night (1966)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.

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  (262): Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward. (262): I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win. http://tfl.nu/2vvo
  Replies (18) Good night (727) Bad night (1724)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us

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  (303): They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us http://tfl.nu/8tzs
  Replies (11) Good night (974) Bad night (1563)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!

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  (917): SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME! http://tfl.nu/punt
  Replies (6) Good night (2112) Bad night (971)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys

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  (774): There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys http://tfl.nu/n2sm
  Replies (7) Good night (842) Bad night (302)

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