Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.

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  (949): Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier. http://tfl.nu/b8lx
  Replies (22) Good night (926) Bad night (2343)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.

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  (334): The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning. http://tfl.nu/m75t
  Replies (13) Good night (1257) Bad night (3241)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home

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  (612): Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home http://tfl.nu/ug2x
  Replies (77) Good night (7439) Bad night (704)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.

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  (940): Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented. http://tfl.nu/jb6b
  Replies (811) Good night (12782) Bad night (6018)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer

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  (307): i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer http://tfl.nu/m2mn
  Replies (11) Good night (6322) Bad night (897)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?

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  (813): Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room? http://tfl.nu/bp9i
  Replies (14) Good night (4963) Bad night (2327)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born

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  (479): Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born http://tfl.nu/g2yi
  Replies (2) Good night (3301) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?

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  (904): So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer? http://tfl.nu/mn6g
  Replies (14) Good night (5539) Bad night (1735)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  being pregnant is like rehab

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  (307): being pregnant is like rehab http://tfl.nu/vkth
  Replies (8) Good night (746) Bad night (1833)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".

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  (303): exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake". http://tfl.nu/t5lj
  Replies (7) Good night (599) Bad night (1317)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.

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  (440): You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage. http://tfl.nu/sj4s
  Replies (9) Good night (941) Bad night (721)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.

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  (208): Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult. http://tfl.nu/xgis
  Replies (2) Good night (459) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?

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  (306): My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck? http://tfl.nu/wbbs
  Replies (6) Good night (705) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while

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  (801): Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while http://tfl.nu/pxq7
  Replies (2) Good night (219) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday

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  (425): Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday http://tfl.nu/xpbr
  Replies (1) Good night (494) Bad night (202)

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