Texts From Last Night

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.

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  (815) Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off? (1-815) You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it. http://tfl.nu/du1d
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  (850): View more from Florida

  JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.

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  (850): JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk. http://tfl.nu/brrf
  Replies (12) Good night (4085) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.

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  (615): Tell your boobs to stop staring at me. http://tfl.nu/zl8p
  Replies (30) Good night (5120) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.

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  (414): You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door. http://tfl.nu/h0ao
  Replies (20) Good night (5136) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.

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  (240): this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday. http://tfl.nu/pumo
  Replies (30) Good night (11861) Bad night (685)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations

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  (609): Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations http://tfl.nu/c8fe
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us

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  (214): Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us http://tfl.nu/gb64
  Replies (13) Good night (1303) Bad night (2736) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.

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  (412): Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym. http://tfl.nu/9hgw
  Replies (15) Good night (2466) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??

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  (908): I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off?? http://tfl.nu/r74o
  Replies (4) Good night (1633) Bad night (1481) Order T-Shirt
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  (956): View more from Texas

  The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.

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  (956): The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging. http://tfl.nu/1enr
  Replies (17) Good night (834) Bad night (3712) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  We left the knife in your bed.

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  (780): We left the knife in your bed. http://tfl.nu/mwcc
  Replies (9) Good night (437) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.

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  (214): You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate. http://tfl.nu/ezsl
  Replies (4) Good night (1144) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.

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  (508): I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat. http://tfl.nu/wq7n
  Replies (3) Good night (640) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.

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  (805): Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother. http://tfl.nu/ewkc
  Replies (4) Good night (940) Bad night (285)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time

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  (928): So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time http://tfl.nu/6mpm
  Replies (4) Good night (688) Bad night (55) Order T-Shirt

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