(803): Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Aug 8, 2010
(316): Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Jul 10, 2013
(407): I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Jul 20, 2009
(718): Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
May 2, 2012
(+49): I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Jul 25, 2012
(904): I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
May 15, 2014
(847): You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sep 17, 2011
(570): I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dec 31, 2011
(647): I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Apr 6, 2012
(931): ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Feb 22, 2013
(250): anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
(1-250): ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Mar 17, 2013
(905): I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Jan 12, 2015
(61): I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Mar 8, 2013
(214): A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Sep 18, 2009
(904): Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Jun 1, 2011
(479): We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
(501): Strong work
May 26, 2012
(229): Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dec 11, 2011
(313): Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Aug 18, 2011
(734): I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dec 15, 2011
(339): That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
May 10, 2009