(902): bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
(1-902): the hells wrong with u
Jul 31, 2009
(919): I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Jan 2, 2010
(413): Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dec 7, 2009
(708): We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dec 12, 2012
(218): It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
May 18, 2012
(636): it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Jul 22, 2012
(703): i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Feb 7, 2010
(267): My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dec 3, 2009
(410): I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Jan 4, 2014
(765): She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Feb 13, 2016
(703): Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Jan 21, 2012
(703): Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Nov 3, 2009
(614): So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Nov 4, 2012
(914): ? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
(773): jesus mom
Apr 24, 2009
(250): Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Apr 11, 2011
(916): on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
(1-916): your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Sep 5, 2010
(814): the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
May 5, 2011
(480): COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
May 30, 2013
(+44): I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Feb 11, 2012
(775): I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Jan 25, 2014