(603): I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.

(956): Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .

(717): I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.

(705): I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.

(575): We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.

(630): Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?

(901): How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.

(727): Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.

(732): people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.

(908): Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing

(325): Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.

(360): What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.

(850): OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.

(480): Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.

(360): All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.

(484): future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.

(416): Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear

(907): my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up

(616): do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.

(806): Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.