just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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