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    (218): View more from Minnesota

    Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.

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    Replies (6) Good night (327) Bad night (1542) Order T-Shirt
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    (973): View more from New Jersey

    They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete

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    Replies (3) Good night (1727) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
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    (651): View more from Minnesota

    We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.

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    Replies (3) Good night (2276) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
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    (607): View more from New York

    Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.

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    Replies (0) Good night (785) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
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    (845): View more from New York

    Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"

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    Replies (9) Good night (1233) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
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    (219): View more from Indiana

    How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.

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    Replies (7) Good night (1465) Bad night (417)
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    (330): View more from Ohio

    The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.

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    Replies (3) Good night (1206) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
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    (209): View more from California

    Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....

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    Replies (2) Good night (720) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
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    (484): View more from Pennsylvania

    donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.

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    Replies (0) Good night (902) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
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    (949): View more from California

    So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?

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    Replies (13) Good night (1276) Bad night (793)
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    (218): View more from Minnesota

    It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.

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    Replies (16) Good night (2092) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
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    (302): View more from Delaware

    You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.

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    Replies (5) Good night (572) Bad night (1530)
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    (509): View more from Washington

    threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again

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    Replies (4) Good night (373) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
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    (530): View more from California

    That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.

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    Replies (20) Good night (2156) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
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    (785): View more from Kansas

    if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.

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    Replies (15) Good night (663) Bad night (1168) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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