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Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
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