Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.