I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.