His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
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remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
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I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.