Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.