He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.