He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
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I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.