Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.