Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.