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I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
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