My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
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Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.