Texts From Last Night

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(212): View more from New York

mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.

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(212): mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you. http://tfl.nu/gr31

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(706): View more from Georgia

Did we have sex?

(1-706): View more from Georgia

No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left

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(706): Did we have sex? (1-706): No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left http://tfl.nu/lup5

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(970): View more from Colorado

We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard

(970): View more from Colorado

I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock

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(970): We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard (970): I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock http://tfl.nu/uy52

Replies (52) Good night (470) Bad night (2175)
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(907): View more from Alaska

He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.

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(907): He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED. http://tfl.nu/5p57

Replies (10) Good night (2377) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
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(620): View more from Kansas

Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?

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(620): Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair? http://tfl.nu/bhha

Replies (42) Good night (3136) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
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(314): View more from Missouri

Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.

(314): View more from Missouri

Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..

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(314): Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was. (314): Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night.. http://tfl.nu/wswl

Replies (74) Good night (1317) Bad night (6220)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.

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(201): I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom. http://tfl.nu/i9mn

Replies (10) Good night (402) Bad night (1824) Order T-Shirt
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.

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(570): Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome. http://tfl.nu/qugg

Replies (33) Good night (1716) Bad night (2906) Order T-Shirt
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(302): View more from Delaware

I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.

(302): View more from Delaware

I love summer.

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(302): I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week. (302): I love summer. http://tfl.nu/82u6

Replies (13) Good night (3764) Bad night (446)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day

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(973): yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day http://tfl.nu/9i5e

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.

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(215): he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out. http://tfl.nu/lwob

Replies (15) Good night (834) Bad night (3354)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.

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(828): if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now. http://tfl.nu/f98q

Replies (14) Good night (1987) Bad night (1177) Order T-Shirt
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(44): View more from England

What's everyones problem with my costume?!

(1-44): View more from England

It looks like a unicorn came on your face.

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(44): What's everyones problem with my costume?! (1-44): It looks like a unicorn came on your face. http://tfl.nu/f20r

Replies (26) Good night (717) Bad night (2376) Order T-Shirt
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(850): View more from Florida

Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.

(1-850): View more from Florida

Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.

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(850): Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now. (1-850): Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel. http://tfl.nu/j1ot

Replies (80) Good night (3924) Bad night (579)
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(253): View more from Washington

I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door

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(253): I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door http://tfl.nu/jqcf

Replies (12) Good night (881) Bad night (2210) Order T-Shirt

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