if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
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Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.