Texts From Last Night

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(352): View more from Florida

I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.

(904): View more from Florida

You stay classy.

(352): View more from Florida

The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.

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(352): I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF. (904): You stay classy. (352): The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on. http://tfl.nu/3w00

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!

(917): View more from New York City

question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?

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(856): i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done! (917): question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut? http://tfl.nu/3a66

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(703): View more from Virginia

I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay

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(703): I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay http://tfl.nu/jcra

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(408): View more from California

I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.

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(408): I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller. http://tfl.nu/ndfu

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(310): View more from California

It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.

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(310): It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples. http://tfl.nu/vzvv

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(207): View more from Maine

it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.

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(207): it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck. http://tfl.nu/q2n8

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(574): View more from Indiana

Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.

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(574): Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter. http://tfl.nu/0enu

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(763): View more from Minnesota

i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.

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(763): i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells. http://tfl.nu/8di1

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(815): View more from Illinois

I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.

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(815): I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos. http://tfl.nu/se3d

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(773): View more from Illinois

i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.

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(773): i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink. http://tfl.nu/eils

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(410): View more from Maryland

i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.

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(410): i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations. http://tfl.nu/0kby

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(614): View more from Ohio

Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.

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(614): Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world. http://tfl.nu/u33z

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(292): View more from

i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.

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(292): i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better. http://tfl.nu/myls

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(803): View more from South Carolina

im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk

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(803): im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk http://tfl.nu/jksc

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(804): View more from Virginia

it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.

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(804): it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself. http://tfl.nu/cxw0

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