If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.