Texts From Last Night

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(720): View more from Colorado

I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.

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(720): I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice. http://tfl.nu/dx9d

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(201): View more from New Jersey

i only shaved half my leg

(201): View more from New Jersey

on purpose

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(201): i only shaved half my leg (201): on purpose http://tfl.nu/r22e

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(480): View more from Arizona

so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic

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(480): so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic http://tfl.nu/3cem

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(404): View more from Georgia

Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.

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(404): Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage. http://tfl.nu/ouqc

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(636): View more from Missouri

I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom

(636): View more from Missouri

You know how us drunks love counting steps

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(636): I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom (636): You know how us drunks love counting steps http://tfl.nu/2dlf

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher

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(507):Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher http://tfl.nu/a6cj

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(954): View more from Florida

Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.

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(954): Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube. http://tfl.nu/0ubi

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(703): View more from Virginia

I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband

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(703): I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband http://tfl.nu/pijn

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(937): View more from Ohio

there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts

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(937): there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts http://tfl.nu/ju9y

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(734): View more from Michigan

Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?

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(734): Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa? http://tfl.nu/jog8

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(630): View more from Illinois

According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"

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(630): According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for" http://tfl.nu/5bi3

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(972): View more from Texas

I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

(1-972): View more from Texas

I want to be a cop.

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(972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be a cop. http://tfl.nu/ucz6

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back

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(920): dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back http://tfl.nu/zgqj

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(425): View more from Washington

i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant

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(425): i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant http://tfl.nu/up0m

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(240): View more from Maryland

shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich

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(240): shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich http://tfl.nu/bipz

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