I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life