Texts From Last Night

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(212): View more from New York

her vagina looked like bernie madoff

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(212): her vagina looked like bernie madoff http://tfl.nu/jcdd

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(703): View more from Virginia

Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.

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(703): Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick. http://tfl.nu/xski

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.

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(814): First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half. http://tfl.nu/df8e

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(713): View more from Texas

Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together

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(713): Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together http://tfl.nu/ix8i

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends

(704): View more from North Carolina

Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.

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(704): Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends (704): Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/v731

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(314): View more from Missouri

his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?

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(314): his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride? http://tfl.nu/qrch

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.

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(856): i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall. http://tfl.nu/yfss

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.

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(505): Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit. http://tfl.nu/y65n

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(831): View more from California

atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.

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(831): atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex. http://tfl.nu/0vib

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(828): View more from North Carolina

just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.

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(828): just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot. http://tfl.nu/vfy9

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(303): View more from Colorado

i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special

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(303): i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special http://tfl.nu/5558

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.

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(401): Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon. http://tfl.nu/lhyu

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(229): View more from Georgia

this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.

(1-229): View more from Georgia

You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?

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(229): this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair. (1-229): You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture? http://tfl.nu/5k8s

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(925): View more from California

If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.

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(925): If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them. http://tfl.nu/pte3

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(239): View more from Florida

you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys

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(239): you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys http://tfl.nu/zkgi

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