Texts From Last Night

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(312): View more from Illinois

kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.

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(312): kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it. http://tfl.nu/8mle

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(641): View more from Iowa

FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER

(1-641): View more from Iowa

STOP listening to that song

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(641): FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER (1-641): STOP listening to that song http://tfl.nu/q2fx

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(347): View more from New York

apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.

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(347): apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road. http://tfl.nu/bhjm

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair

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(610): I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair http://tfl.nu/hvec

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(248): View more from Michigan

I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.

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(248): I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me. http://tfl.nu/tfpk

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I can't believe he cheated

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how

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(860): I can't believe he cheated (1-860): Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how http://tfl.nu/8j5c

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(828): View more from North Carolina

God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.

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(828): God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you. http://tfl.nu/4g7v

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(847): View more from Illinois

so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner

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(847): so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner http://tfl.nu/rb90

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(312): View more from Illinois

Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex

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(312): Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex http://tfl.nu/n8r5

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(337): View more from Louisiana

thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts

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(337): thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts http://tfl.nu/kmf7

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(631): View more from New York

I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?

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(631): I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory? http://tfl.nu/wpyo

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(410): View more from Maryland

guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.

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(410): guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance. http://tfl.nu/rnd5

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(240): View more from Maryland

At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka

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(240): At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka http://tfl.nu/5kll

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(313): View more from Michigan

this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.

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(313): this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it. http://tfl.nu/wugy

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(254): View more from Texas

When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery

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(254): When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery http://tfl.nu/move

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