Texts From Last Night

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(913): View more from Kansas

some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.

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(913): some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night. http://tfl.nu/2xhx

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(916): View more from California

I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex

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(916): I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex http://tfl.nu/qjjk

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(402): View more from Nebraska

so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.

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(402): so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either. http://tfl.nu/umcw

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water

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(508): you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water http://tfl.nu/opqy

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.

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(617): Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning. http://tfl.nu/86da

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(604): View more from British Columbia

omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life

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(604): omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life http://tfl.nu/up0q

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(863): View more from Florida

just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud

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(863): just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud http://tfl.nu/54kw

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(503): View more from Oregon

this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"

(541): View more from Oregon

dude.

(503): View more from Oregon

yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.

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(503): this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor" (541): dude. (503): yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating. http://tfl.nu/t5uc

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(757): View more from Virginia

It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like

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(757): It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like http://tfl.nu/masc

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(443): View more from Maryland

I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.

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(443): I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding. http://tfl.nu/l068

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(416): View more from Ontario

I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...

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(416): I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed... http://tfl.nu/ew3h

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(310): View more from California

the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.

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(310): the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him. http://tfl.nu/jidd

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(630): View more from Illinois

Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.

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(630): Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself. http://tfl.nu/vif9

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(440): View more from Ohio

Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.

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(440): Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing. http://tfl.nu/x35s

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(856): View more from New Jersey

the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed

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(856): the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed http://tfl.nu/39rg

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