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    (214): View more from Texas

    In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.

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    Replies (29) Good night (7536) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
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    (978): View more from Massachusetts

    i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day

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    Replies (27) Good night (4004) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
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    (202): View more from Washington, DC

    i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night

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    Replies (13) Good night (4653) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
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    (269): View more from Michigan

    im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower

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    Replies (15) Good night (3008) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
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    (816): View more from Missouri

    I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now

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    Replies (23) Good night (1311) Bad night (2922) Order T-Shirt
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    (847): View more from Illinois

    we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u

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    Replies (5) Good night (3106) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
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    (978): View more from Massachusetts

    I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?

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    Replies (21) Good night (4089) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
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    (972): View more from Texas

    I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.

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    Replies (7) Good night (681) Bad night (3043) Order T-Shirt
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    (847): View more from Illinois

    I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.

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    Replies (20) Good night (3509) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
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    (843): View more from South Carolina

    Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.

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    Replies (14) Good night (632) Bad night (4352) Order T-Shirt
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    (+61): View more from Australia

    She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.

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    Replies (43) Good night (1183) Bad night (9604) Order T-Shirt
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    (910): View more from North Carolina

    I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.

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    Replies (14) Good night (1096) Bad night (3989) Order T-Shirt
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    (419): View more from Ohio

    His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.

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    Replies (60) Good night (1052) Bad night (3201) Order T-Shirt
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    (309): View more from Illinois

    just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.

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    Replies (17) Good night (3202) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
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    (303): View more from Colorado

    I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.

    (720): View more from Colorado

    Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.

    (303): View more from Colorado

    But what if I pay for the gas?

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    Replies (53) Good night (1019) Bad night (6845)
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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