Texts From Last Night

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(203): View more from Connecticut

We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.

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(203): We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won. http://tfl.nu/1h1c

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(320): View more from Minnesota

so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..

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(320): so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville.. http://tfl.nu/vgyl

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(636): View more from Missouri

we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"

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(636): we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle" http://tfl.nu/m65a

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(254): View more from Texas

You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"

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(254): You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution" http://tfl.nu/yos3

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(210): View more from Texas

By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE

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(210): By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE http://tfl.nu/98pz

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(757): View more from Virginia

adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.

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(757): adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded. http://tfl.nu/ax04

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(707): View more from California

that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it

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(707): that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it http://tfl.nu/zuoy

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(716): View more from New York

angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up

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(716): angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up http://tfl.nu/mr2g

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.

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(321): You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called. http://tfl.nu/6o7h

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower

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(508): Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower http://tfl.nu/74dl

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(850): View more from Florida

She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.

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(850): She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November. http://tfl.nu/riz6

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(614): View more from Ohio

I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now

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(614): I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now http://tfl.nu/fog4

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with

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(978): you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with http://tfl.nu/g7w5

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.

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(860): Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god. http://tfl.nu/co52

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(609): View more from New Jersey

he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.

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(609): he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/w4ku

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