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Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
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