Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Boston, MA

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel

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  (603): I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel http://tfl.nu/5thv
  Replies (4) Good night (475) Bad night (134) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."

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  (617): Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now." http://tfl.nu/y913
  Replies (7) Good night (894) Bad night (188)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"

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  (248): Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion" http://tfl.nu/821u
  Replies (3) Good night (572) Bad night (164) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.

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  (617): somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic. http://tfl.nu/55u8
  Replies (1) Good night (580) Bad night (230) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  And the results, officer?

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She's fucked.

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  (401): I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle. (978): And the results, officer? (401): She's fucked. http://tfl.nu/1koh
  Replies (6) Good night (937) Bad night (217)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me

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  (954): You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me http://tfl.nu/uohb
  Replies (2) Good night (550) Bad night (150)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.

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  (617): We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water. http://tfl.nu/gx4i
  Replies (2) Good night (811) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.

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  (802): I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel. http://tfl.nu/xk67
  Replies (11) Good night (1826) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.

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  (978): The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty. http://tfl.nu/l80d
  Replies (10) Good night (1865) Bad night (399)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.

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  (617): Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council. http://tfl.nu/w0zb
  Replies (7) Good night (2734) Bad night (537)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."

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  (413): He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there." http://tfl.nu/pomo
  Replies (7) Good night (410) Bad night (3109) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Wait

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  (617): I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship (617): Wait http://tfl.nu/k9zo
  Replies (5) Good night (2368) Bad night (790)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic

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  (617): There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic http://tfl.nu/g9j9
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  there's a liquor store near my therapist

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i might give it a shot.

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  (617): there's a liquor store near my therapist (617): i might give it a shot. http://tfl.nu/u2kn
  Replies (8) Good night (1669) Bad night (552)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon

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  (978): I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon http://tfl.nu/xy8w
  Replies (5) Good night (3337) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly

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  (617): the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly http://tfl.nu/7zul
  Replies (3) Good night (1817) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step

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  (617): I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step http://tfl.nu/7m4i
  Replies (7) Good night (4437) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.

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  (732): there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts. http://tfl.nu/wlt6
  Replies (48) Good night (7493) Bad night (1961) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  when did we get a doorman?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we were also in the wrong building...

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  (203): yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman. (508): when did we get a doorman? (203): we were also in the wrong building... http://tfl.nu/c2ke
  Replies (15) Good night (6768) Bad night (883)