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I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
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