Texts From Last Night

Best Nights of the Month

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  (716): View more from New York

  I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.

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  (716): I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine. http://tfl.nu/pta5
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.

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  (+61): I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub. http://tfl.nu/lq2i
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.

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  (702): Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well. http://tfl.nu/ln4y
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.

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  (614): I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely. http://tfl.nu/lx5s
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.

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  (513): So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time. http://tfl.nu/30oo
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.

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  (520): At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget. http://tfl.nu/wj00
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  that happened

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  (508): Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing? (603): that happened http://tfl.nu/dxuy
  Replies (1) Good night (108) Bad night (272)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.

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  (+61): He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour. http://tfl.nu/sn8w
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?

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  (937): I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night? http://tfl.nu/ghkw
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...

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  (417): I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him... http://tfl.nu/ae62
  Replies (2) Good night (86) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...

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  (706): Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles... http://tfl.nu/pb5u
  Replies (5) Good night (86) Bad night (338)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I mean come on

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  (720): Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off (720): I mean come on http://tfl.nu/0ezx
  Replies (5) Good night (85) Bad night (305)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.

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  (580): Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style. http://tfl.nu/uibp
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  (626): View more from California

  Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.

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  (626): Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long. http://tfl.nu/2nw2
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.

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  (940): I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack. http://tfl.nu/gvul
  Replies (5) Good night (68) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt